Since I left my own little, isolated world of BDSM, I have realized how much I could have been learning if I had continued broadening my mind with reading and other methods. As I started this blog, I found this writing Mental spaces in BDSM v 1.0 (12/20/2018) from furcissy that finally gave visuals and vocabulary to my beliefs about domination and submission. furcissy defines a mental space as “who we are at a given time. It is the collection of all of our different mental spaces that describes who we are as a whole.” Specifically, furcissy speaks of submissive and dominant mental spaces. Mental spaces and other items in the blog post have enabled Sir and I to discuss the specifics of our power dynamic not just of submission but also domination.
Briefly, submission is viewed as a swimming pool of submission with a shallow, medium and deep end. Triggers place the sub into specific locations in the pool and then can be manipulated by the Dom into various depths of the pool or may take the submissive total out of the pool. A trigger is described as “acts, ideas, kinks, fetishes, or fantasies that elicit a strong enough response to cause the sub to shift into their submissive mental space.” A person with a submissive persona in the pool is not a submissive out of the pool but resorts to their standard persona.
When in my submissive persona, my focus is on Sir. My actions, my thoughts and my decision making process redirect and support our power exchange. I am aroused sexually. I become sensitive to Sir’s approval and feel vulnerable to his moods. When I am in my standard persona, I slip easily into my submissive persona with the slightest nudge. In order to stay in my standard persona, I need to work at it and occupy my mind with distractions.
Each sub has their own triggers that place them into the submissive pool at a specific depth. Using the epithet “Sir” and wearing Sir’s chain are examples of shallow end of the pool triggers for me. Requesting permission to cum is a medium depth trigger. Meeting to play is a maximum depth trigger.
There is a fluidity of movement in the submission pool based on many factors. As Sir applies ropes to my body, I can start out in the shallow or medium depth of the pool but as the ropes tighten and escape becomes unachievable, I end up in the deep end of the pool. Impact play may drive me deeper. At this point, I may end up in subspace, a chemical induced state different from my submissive mental state. As we play, Sir uses various triggers to move me about in the pool and sometimes forces me out of the pool only to put me back in the pool. The intensity and depth in the pool depends on the flow and sequence of triggers used.
Triggers are also sensitive to factors such as the level of trust, my mood, Sir’s mood, location, time, events, and many others. Sir’s displeasure indicated by harsh words can either take me out of the pool entirely or place me in the medium depth depending on the circumstances. It can feel extremely uncomfortable and hurt physically to be forced to move from my submissive persona to my standard persona. Conversations about some topics can drive me from the pool and causes me to resist returning. Mood and life can weaken triggers or empower them. As with most things, they are not static but changeable.There are also triggers initiated by myself such as writing this blog entry, listening to podcasts, or just thinking of our relationship.
My standard persona consists of many different personas such as my professional and parent personas. But there is also a basic persona that represents me and who I am. This is the logical, rational, strong woman who strives to be a good person in this chaotic world. In my basic state, I am Sir’s friend rather than submissive. My default has been my submissive state but now I want to find out who this person is without carrying the expectations of submission constantly and without feeling I need to break a few rules to accomplish this. My basic persona is restless and wants more variety, challenge and experiences and seeks adventure. I find the coexistence of my basic and submissive viewpoints of life clash and at times are contradictory in their goals. This probably accounts for some of my erratic moments. It appears I have some thinking to do.